Twas the day before surgery...

This may be the most candid I have been thus far, but here it goes...

Right now, Tim and I are sitting in our hotel room in Rochester, MN across from Saint Mary's Hospital where tomorrow I will go for my much anticipated surgery.  Mom and Dad will be here soon.  As much as I want to say (and believe) I am ready,  I have a "zillion" things running through my head.

I keep telling myself over and over that I have been through this type of surgery before, and I can handle it.  But having been through it before, I can quite frankly say "it sucks".  This time they will be removing the entire right lobe of my liver and a portion of the left as well as my gall bladder.  I am beginning to wonder what I will have left down there.  However, I have done it before and can again.

The hardest thing right now was not only leaving Arya behind, but knowing the fact that I will not be able to hold/carry my baby for at least but not limited to 6 weeks following the surgery.  I know she is in completely capable hands of people who love her very much, but to me, it's not the same.  I'm Mom and that's not replaced.  For the past couple days, all I've wanted to do is hold her, but now she's mobile and would much rather be running around than being cuddled by Mom for hours on end.    Fortunately, she will be coming down here to Rochester in a few days with Alayna, Jer, Stacey and the kids, so if I'm feeling up to it, I'll see her then.  

Of course there are fears that everyone has with a surgery like this: will there be complications? will they find something unexpected? etc.  I'm trying to stay positive as usual, but sometimes, truthfully it is really hard.

My big sister's words keep running through my head right now: "This is your chance to get rid of this now".  I'll keep holding onto that.  If all goes well with surgery, we will discuss radiating my spinal lesions.  If all tests are clear after that, maybe just maybe, I can say "remission."

I've received a lot of personal messages, texts, posts and well wishes in the past few days.  I apologize for not taking the time to respond individually, but I want each of you to know that I appreciate it all.  As for the blog, Tim will be updating you all with posts periodically as he is able in the days to follow.  Thanks again with much love.

Until next time...Jenny